#10: Shot in the face by consumption
Death By Consumption
7/8/24 - 7/14/24
A shorter than usual DBC this week, thanks to work obligations and also, like, it's just too damn hot. I can't even think anymore!!!!!! Between back-to-back weeklong heat advisories in NYC (sorry if this is dumb, but: what is the point of a heat advisory if it just... never ends?), plus the whole uh... thing that happened this weekend (I will NOT be inviting a knock at my door by typing up my thoughts on the assassination attempt, thank you very much!), it feels like my brain has turned into the kind of summer mush that typically doesn't hit until late August. Should we all just take the rest of the year off? They can't fire us all!
MaXXXine (2024) — at Nitehawk Prospect Park
About 30 minutes into this movie, a couple sitting in front of us walked out. 10 minutes later, another couple walked out. 10 minutes later, I strongly considered doing the same.
I don't even understand what happened here. The plot felt obvious, the gore was pointless, and the final act was... not meant to be taken as a parody, I guess? I need the Writer's Guild to verify AI wasn't used in scripting the back half of this film, because this shit felt very uncanny valley.
Us X and Pearl fans have been fighting for our damn LIVES defending this trilogy for the past couple years, and now MaXXXine is going to make our jobs impossible. The haters won!
Out of Sight (1998) — on Criterion
Now THIS is a movie. George Clooney has been trying to save our democracy, and JLo has been trying to save her marriage, but in 1998 they united to save the sexy little crime caper. These two have electric chemistry, and the supporting cast is truly wild. You barely have time to recover from Catherine Keener's stunning appearance before Michael Keaton is walking through the door to completely steal a scene (in an uncredited role, no less). By the time we had cycled through appearances from Steve Zahn, Albert Brooks, Viola Davis, and Samuel L Jackson, I was ready to declare this better than Ocean's Eleven. Sorry to Julia Roberts, but the true 90s film couple we need to reunite is JLo and George.
All Fours, by Miranda July — in hardcover
Okay, so, let's start by saying I'm not exactly a Miranda July girlie. She often triggers the same part of me that absolutely had to move out of Portland in 2011 before everyone there drove me insane. But I can never resist Joining The Cultural Conversation, so I had no choice but to read her new, buzzy novel.
All Fours is, I'm pleased to report, a pretty good summer read! It deals with intense shit — stillbirth, menopause, infidelity — but the overall tone is light (almost too light at points, to be honest). It's the breeziest read you could possibly have for a book that's about, like, how it feels to be wondering if your life is over.
There's definitely more than a few textbook Miranda July moments that made me roll my eyes (there are, like, five too many scenes of someone doing an interpretive dance in which someone else miraculously and immediately understands the hidden message being communicated by the dancer??? Is this a thing that happens that I'm completely oblivious to? Are you all dancing secret messages to each other out there???) There's also a lot of graphic sex, which made me laugh imagining all the people who decided to listen to the audiobook in their cars. She really loves calling her vagina her cunt! It's kind of giving:
Ultimately, I ended the book a bit frustrated with where it had all led, but I did enjoy the chaotic, gossipy nature of the whole ride — for better or worse, Miranda July invited us into her brain as she seemingly tried to work out the most personal issues in her real life, and she really bares herself for our entertainment. It's not an exceptional book, but it is a mostly fun, messy adventure, and honestly we're all too tired for anything else these days, aren't we?
"Love Island USA" Season 6, episodes 11-20 — on Peacock
The obsession continues. I simply can't stop watching Love Island, you guys! Not only that, but I'm spreading the contagion — I've gotten a few friends hooked, one of whom has almost never watched any reality TV. So many of these people are so dumb and toxic but, like, I would actually hang out with JaNa and Serena. Am I sick?? Help. Love Island season 6 is like the video from The Ring, but instead of dying, you're cursed to never stop watching Love Island.
In the last episode we watched, a new bombshell said to a man, "I'm really into people asking me things," and then, unable to contain himself in the presence of such genius, the guy immediately and violently made out with her. This show is perfect!
"Getting shot in the face changes a man," by Jim VandeHei and Mike Allen — on Axios
I said I wouldn't talk about it up top, and yet here we are. Whoops! This article is one of the dumbest things I've ever read. I truly can't believe how much these two idiots get paid to write this trash. Nearly 10 years into this whole nightmare and you're still on the "this is the moment Trump changes his ways" beat??? GROW UP.
I love to get hit in the head by a giant frying pan and then sit at my computer and write stuff like this:
The way they're breathlessly reporting on the things fucking Tucker Carlson is saying to them as if he has ever said anything that isn't a lie... Jim and Mike seem like two of the easiest people to scam. I bet I could get their credit card info out of them with minimal effort. Axios remains my all-time favorite hate read. Honestly, it's inspiring — if these two dolts can fail upwards, anyone can!