Death By Consumption #2: 5/13/24 - 5/19/24
My cousin is staying with us for a bit, so this was a week with less culture consumption and more food and alcohol consumption. Technically it's my birthday today, which feels dumb to mention but also weird to not mention, so here we are. Don't send me gifts, please, I insist, unless they're already in the mail.
Boy, Snow, Bird by Helen Oyeyemi — paperback
One of those books that has sat on my to-read shelf for nearly 10 years, which I was finally compelled to pick up for some reason. The writing is great, but the ending... YIKES. Without spoiling it too much, let's just say there's something that can only be described as a surprise trans twist, which truly comes out of nowhere and is completely un-earned. I couldn't believe what I was reading — it felt like the final pages were handed over to M. Night Shyamalan to finish (my apologies to Mr. Shyamalan, who doesn't deserve this comparison). I mean, kudos for taking a huge swing, I guess? As I got to the final page, I half-expected there to be another insane twist, like all the characters dying in 9/11.
The Lucy Letby Article — in The New Yorker
You've probably seen this article by now (unless you're in the UK in which case it's blocked, insanely — want me to mail you a printout?), and after reading it I am 100% convinced she is innocent. But more than that I'm like... what is going on in the UK? Doctors sneeze into their hands and then put those hands in your wounds, unwashed? Nurses are just putting breathing tubes down your esophagus instead of your trachea? Doctors are googling how to do medical procedures?? Has the UK progressed at ALL since the 1800s? The hospitals seem nasty and the laws are wild (it's my understanding that just writing this email could legally get me beheaded over there). England is so spooky. A friend is getting married there this year and I will NOT be having any medical emergencies while I'm on British soil, thank you.
"The Real Housewives of Atlanta" Season 3 — on Peacock
Before the pandemic, I had avoided all Housewives series, because I knew I would love it too much. But once there was nothing to do in 2020, I dove straight in and I've never been the same since. We've watched all the major cities from the beginning, and Atlanta was the final one to get through, and boy am I having a good time. I knew of most of these women a bit (all gay men are born knowing 1-2 Housewives' names), but wow this group of women are STARS. Nene is the funniest person alive, Kim is unintentionally also the funniest person alive, Shereé has a very unique and different brain, and Phaedra... what is there to say! I mean, she comes on the show lying about how long she has been pregnant to everyone (including her doctor), and then the first thing she says about her newborn baby is, "It looked Chinese." I'm so thankful for these women.
15 Young New Yorkers Share Their Favorite Slang! — by Café Anne
Café Anne may not appeal to you if you're not in NYC, but I am in NYC so I love it! Her latest newsletter was particularly enjoyable, as she went around the city asking teenagers to teach her slang. Turns out the teens are charming and funny! (From a distance, at least. Please keep them away from me in real life.) But I'm also going to need Anne to circle back on the details of this little moment because... he tried to WHAT?
When she left, I spotted something scary out of the corner of my eye. "That guy over there is a cop I used to date!” I told Mr. Atwood. “He tried to run me over with his Jeep!"
"Oh," said Mr. Atwood.
I hid the side of my face behind my giant iPhone so my ex wouldn't spot me and continued the interview
The 2024 Whitney Biennial — at The Whitney Museum
It may shock you to learn I'm not an expert on modern art, but this was one of those shows that made me think... maybe I am? The art was, with only a few notable exceptions, obvious and cliched, like a hack comedian's take on modern art. There's a gigantic sculpture of the White House, but made out of mud, and sinking, with an upside-down flag on top of it. Do you get it? Because our country is crumbling???
Ocean Mist Sea Salt Spray — from Sachajuan
Welcome to Danny's haircare corner! This past year, thanks to finding a new barber I love (don't send this to my old barber... he thinks I have a friend who's practicing how to cut hair on me, an absurd lie that felt like the only way to switch barbers without drama), I started to experiment more with products. My barber introduced me to Everyday Oil, which I now use after a shower to help keep my hair and dry-ass scalp properly moisturized. It's good, I recommend it! Also, that bottle is going to last me a year, easily.
And then to style, I've been using Davines "This Is A Sea Salt Spray" (horrible name, embarrassing to even type), because my curls always look best after a swim in the ocean but I'm not going down to Coney Island every morning. Davines has been treating me okay, but it started to leave my hair feeling tangled or super-dry after using it multiple days in a row, so this week I began the hunt for a new salt spray. The first was this suggestion from my beloved barber, which comes in a fake blue color that feels unnecessary but I won't hold it against them. After my first test, I could tell it was already a huge improvement on the Davines spray in every way (the smell in particular is much subtler than the Davines, which made me feel like I'd attract clouds of gnats in the summer). My hair kept its curls nicely, and it didn't leave it feeling crunchy or dry, thank GOD. This might be my new spray! But I still had another contender to test...
Wave Spray — from OUAI
Okay, this one I regret to admit was purchased after I was successfully influenced by an Instagram influencer. I'm humiliated! Don't look at me! That said, it actually is cheaper than the Sachajuan option, which is impressive considering their branding feels more expensive. Congrats to the OUAI design team, I guess.
Anyway, I never actually got to try this, because it was marked as delivered but never actually showed up! Did my mail lady steal it? If I see her walking around with gorgeous flowing beachy waves I'm going to have to do something about it.
Golgappa — at Jazba in the East Village, Manhattan
After the terrible Whitney Biennial, we wandered the city until landing at Jazba for dinner. I had wanted to go for a while, and it didn't disappoint. Billed as a "celebration of Indian hawker street fare," it's one of those places where you're pretty sure you can't order wrong. We had something like seven dishes, all incredibly tasty, and you knew we were off to a good start with the first course: a tray of golgappa (also known as pani puri) — little crispy semolina crackers shaped into bowls, filled with a spicy mango/pineapple mix, into which you pour spiced water and pop the whole thing in your mouth. Just a perfect bite of food. Go to Jazba!
Jell-Olives — at Café Mars in Gowanus, Manhattan
The cousin staying with us has lived in Italy for a few years, so I knew I had to take him to Café Mars, which is Italian food, designed by a lunatic. I mean — look at those olives in negroni jelly up above! The menu starts with fun, delicious, strange bites like that (the anchovies that taste like pepperoni pizza are insane), but once you get into larger dishes it's more familiar, equally delicious courses. The lemon girelle pasta is so good we literally had to count noodles to make sure no one was having a single bite more than anyone else.
Onion Rings — at Old Town Bar in Manhattan
To me, Old Town Bar is one of those bars that's always a good option when you want to meet friends: 1) after work, 2) near a bunch of trains so everyone gets home easily, and 3) without the drama of reservations or "a vibe." Their food is surprisingly good for a bar that's been around since the 1800s, the crowd is almost always coworker bros so if you have a fetish for men in khakis you'll be in heaven, and I'm going to say it: they have my favorite onion rings in the city. There's nothing fancy about them — they're just well-cooked, with the exactly right amount of batter and salt — which is great because onion rings have never needed innovation. They're perfect as-is! So last week I met a friend here, had surprisingly decent pub wine, and had some onion rings while hearing truly some of the best gossip I've ever received in my LIFE. (The gossip is about, believe it or not, Malala, and I won't type it out but I'll happily tell you in person.) Onion rings and gossip? What more could a boy ask for!